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What is BDSM: Terminology

April 18, 2018

 

1950s, 1960s (etc) era  Refers to relationships based on the mores and practices of the time period; generally a monogamous, heterosexual, male-led relationship.

See Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD), Taken In Hand (TIH

 

24/7  A D/s relationship which is in effect at all times. A Total Power Exchange, or TPE, relationship would be the most extreme form of 24/7; some consider the terms equivalent

see Total Power Exchange (TPE)

 

Abduction  

See Kidnapping

 

Abrasion Play  Using something rough (such as sandpaper or scrub brush) to provide stimulation. May leave temporary marks; some may go so far as to draw blood, in which case infection prevention is important.

 

Adult Baby  One who dresses and/or role plays the part of a baby or toddler.

See Diaper Lover

 

Aftercare  The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the participants calm down, and slowly come back in touch with reality. Depending on the intensity of the scene and the nature of the participants, aftercare may be very important to one or both participants in order to prevent later emotional aftereffects. Aftercare may consist of some or all of the following components: Being away from noise, activity, bright light; physical closeness and touching with the partner; hydration with water or sport drink; keeping warm. Aside from its necessity, aftercare can be one of the most rewarding and loving experiences the participants can share.

See Dom Drop, sub Drop, subspace

 

Age Play  Scene (or entire relationship) in which one person (usually the submissive) dresses and acts as if younger in age, ranging from infant to adult child. May or may not include sexual relations. Does not usually include or imply aspects of incest or pedophilism*, but rather the nurturing relationship of parent/child or teacher/student.

 

Algolagnia  Deriving sexual pleasure from the application of pain to an erogenous zone

 

Anal Hook  Often used in suspension bondage, it is placed in the anal opening and used as part of the suspension.

 

Anal Torture  Inflicting pain on the anus. Keep in mind that this flesh is tender and easily damaged (ouch)!

See Figging

 

Anal Training  Inserting progressively larger objects (usually butt plugs) in order to stretch the anal sphincter, in preparation for such activities as anal sex and fisting.
Caution:
Should proceed slowly and cautiously in order to reduce the risk of hemorrhoids or worse problems; the recipient should always be in control of the insertion.

 

Androgyny  Showing characteristics of both sexes.

 

Anilingus  An activity involving oral sex with another person’s anus.

 

Animal Play  The sub behaves and/or dresses like an animal. The principal theme of animal role play is usually the voluntary or involuntary reduction (or transformation) of a human being to animal (see objectification). Animal role play may or may not involve sexual activity. Not to be mistaken with bestiality/zoophilia, which involves the actual animal.

See Pet Play, Ponygirl, Ponyboy, Pup play

 

Animal Transformation Fantasy  Fantasy in which the focus is on the sub entering the altered mind space of a different species.

 

Anti-Humiliation; Reverse Humiliation  Saying and doing nice things in a way that opens up the subject emotionally, often causing tears and and emotional breakdown. Similar to extended aftercare, but with the intent to build intensity.

 

Auction  Auctions can be held for many reasons: to raise funds for an event, a new piece of equipment, repairs, benefit for a charity or a needy member, or—fun! Most people think of slave auctions, but they may also be of donated “toys,” dungeon time, or the services of someone with special skills; for example, a rope bondage session, sensuous massage, tailoring, lawn service, etc.

 

Auralism  a fetish consisting of sexual arousal or excitement caused by sound, to be compared with voyeurism. This sound might be music, a voice, sex noises (including listening to others having sex) or other sounds.


Bad pain  Physical or psychological pain which is beyond what the recipient is capable of accepting without potential long-term physical or emotional consequence. Frequently arises from exceeding the recipient’s limits, or failing to recognize signs of distress. Can lead to drastic consequences, including permanent physical damage, psychological side effects, ending of the relationship, even abandonment of the lifestyle.

See Limits, Good Pain

 

Bagging  
Suffocation using a (mostly or always) clear bag over someone’s head, as a turn on.

 

Balls Out Risky Kink; BORK  An acronym used to describe a philosophical view that is permissive of exceptionally risky sexual behaviors. BORK differs from typical edge play in that the term edge play more commonly references types of play that can have catastrophic results in the cases of equipment failure or improper technique, but that in edge play those risks are mostly mitigated by equipment maintenance and proper technique, where as with BORK even with proper equipment maintenance and proper technique a large and substantial risk is still present.

 

Body Worship  To show respect to every part of the Dominant’s body, often by kissing, licking, or sucking. May involve ritual components.

 

Bastinado  Impact play involving the soles of the feet.

 

Beating  The Top uses an implement to hit the sub.

 

Bestiality  Sexual abuse of an animal.

 

Bisexual  A person open to sexual activity with both sexes. May still have a preference; or the attraction might depend more on the individual person than on their sex.

 

Bit; Bit Gag  A style of gag with a cylindrical mouthpiece, usually made of soft rubber or latex. Simulating the bridle of a horse, such bits are often used in pony play.

 

Black Sheet Party  An orgy for people into BDSM sex.

 

Blackbooting  Using a shoe heel as an anal dildo; some care required.

 

Bladder/Bowel Control  Requiring the submissive to ask permission before toileting.
Training the submissive to be able to eliminate in the Dominant’s presence, or even while being fondled. As an invasion of privacy, this can be a form of humiliation; it can also be used to foster the submissive’s trust and acceptance of the Dom into the most intimate aspects of the sub’s life.

 

Blood Play  The drawing of blood during play.

See Cutting or Blood Sports

 

Body Modification  Various changes to the body, usually permanent. Including tattoos, piercings, scarification (scarring), branding, permanent hair removal, breast augmentation or reduction, etc. Microbranding or “cell popping” is considered temporary; subdermal implants can usually be removed.

 

Bondage  Acts involving the physical restraint of a partner. Bondage may refer to total body restraint, or restraint of a particular body part, such as breast bondage.

See Mental Bondage

 

Bondage Art  Binding the bottom in a way which is aesthetically pleasing. Often for photography.

 

Bondage & Discipline; BD; B&D  A part of the multiple acronym BDSM. Refers to the primarily physical aspect of BDSM; that of restraint and of physical play.

 

Bondage Belt  Usually made of leather, with metal rings for bondage attachment points.

 

Bondage Suit  Used for mummification and occasionally suspension. Commonly made of leather with straps and made to fit snugly.

 

Boot Worship  To show respect for the Dominant’s footwear, often by kissing, licking, or sucking, or by cleaning/polishing. May involve ritual components.

 

Bootblack  A person (male or female) who polishes and/or spit-shines a pair of boots, sometimes as a gesture of submission, sometimes as a part of military-style uniform play, sometimes as part of boot worship, and sometimes to mark the beginning of a scene.

 

Bowcatting  

See Cunnilingus

 

Branding: Scarring of the skin by a heated object. Can be semi-permanent or permanent (see cell popping).

 

Brat  A “bratty” submissive has a reputation for talking back, being disrespectful or mildly disobedient. On the surface, this is a negative quality in a submissive; however, a certain amount of “brattiness” is enjoyed by some Dominants, and may in fact be a large component of a power exchange relationship.

See topping from the bottom

 

Breast Bondage  The act of restraining female breasts so that they are either flattened against the chest or so that they bulge. May include nipple clamping.

 

Breath Control, Breath Play  The act by which the dominant controls the submissive’s breathing, often by choking, HOM (hand over mouth) or other forms of asphyxiation.
Important:
Many consider any form or degree of breath control to be extremely dangerous.