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13 Rules To Follow If You Think Your Partner is a Sociopath

June 11, 2018

Most people believe sociopaths are just the mass murderers in our society; however, that is not the truth. Estimates say that 1 in 25 of men and women are diagnosable with this personality disorder. Chances are you will cross paths or have already engaged in a relationship with one.

 

Charmer.

Con artist.

Chameleon.

Master Manipulator.

 

These are just a few names by which you may have come to know a sociopath, a single individual that experiences little to no conscious guilt, empathy, shame or remorse and has an ongoing pattern of disregard for the rights and concern of others.

 

If you find yourself dating a sociopath, you will know by the violations you are sustaining to your sentiments, physical being, sexual integrity and/or finances. You will know the signs of a sociopath.

 

Accept that some people truly have no conscience  If you have been in denial, it’s time to recognize that you are being violated and stop making excuses or accepting excuses for consistently bad behaviors.

 

Go with your instincts or intuition versus the implied role he has taken on  Sociopaths are excellent communicators. Don't believe him.

 

Give three strikes  First offense: Look at the claims, responsibilities, and promises made or implied and address any inconsistencies.  Do not sweep them under the rug.  Was it a simple mistake or recklessness?

Second offense: Neglect of responsibility... consider if you are placing yourself in physical, emotional, or financial risk. What is your personal cost to staying in this relationship?

By the third strike, cut your losses!

 

Be suspicious  Some of them don’t want you to question them and do question authority.

 

Don’t confuse fear with respect  Know what R-E-S-P-E-C-T means to you and teach others how you want to be treated. Abusive individuals are not very teachable.

 

Do not join the game  Don’t try to redeem them. Don't try to get even. It only prolongs involvement and delays your recovery.

 

Avoid and refuse any contact  Don't communicate with the abuser. Change jobs and residence if necessary.

 

Do not live in isolation  Sociopaths seek those who are isolated, insecure and vulnerable. Be part of a caring community.

 

Enlist support  From family and friends, an attorney, therapist and/or the police. Join a support group.

 

Document, document, document  Maintain an anonymous email account and mail yourself images and notes of events.  Even if there isn't something that requires the police, simply being able to review the history of what the relationship has been like can help you recognize a pattern

 

Recognize the "pity play"  This is his weapon of choice to hook into your sentiments and compassion, enabling him to get away with murder. Genuine remorse or repentance is introspective; the individual wants to pay restitution and is willing to be held accountable.

Don’t be so quick to give your time, money, home, car, or care. Make sure he isn’t putting you through a cycle of abuse, which includes a period of romance and good behavior before they act out again.

 

Never agree to help him conceal his true character  He will tell you not to tell anyone, but don’t keep his secrets.

 

Share your experience  It can help others not fall victim and can help you find purpose.

If you or a loved one is dating a sociopath or a toxic individual, you have experienced the signs of a sociopath, which include a loss of trust and a loss of sense of security. Working with a professional will expedite healing and recovery.

It will help you to release the negative emotions lodged by this traumatic encounter and help you to embrace joy, peace, trust and intimacy. Take back your life and well-being — living well is the best revenge.

 

Some of these guidelines are based on the work of Martha Stout, Ph.D., The Sociopath Next Door.

 

Jianny Adamo, LMHC, founder of Fearless Love Coaching and Counseling supports singles and couples breaking through fears and limitations to create safe and intimate marriages and relationships. Video calls and phone consultations available. Jianny is writing her book Love Trauma: Seven Tango Lessons to Recovery From Emotionally and Sexually Abusive Relationships with Narcissists, Psychopaths and Other Toxic People.

 

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