This article is about swingers, specifically threesomes or trisexual relationships, and I have purposely limited it to the "threeway" theme because to try and cover the spectrum of swinger combos would require writing a book.
Even though there is a universe of different threeway partnerships I'm sticking with hetero relationships, although even this type of relationship usually entails some bisexual activity and that is also covered in this article.
MY PERSONAL OPINIONS It is my firm belief that when a man looks at a woman he is always imagining her as a sex partner. This may be a subconscious act, but it's still happening. The male of the species was designed to be the aggressive partner in procreation and genetically he can't help having those thoughts.
Because the male is the way he is, he will usually be the instigator in any sexual experimentation, while his female partner will usually be reticent or negative about experimenting outside of their monogamous relationship. Women are genetically designed to nurture, and their focus was to build a nest to care for the offspring that their mating has produced.
In this day and age the genetic rule no longer applies absolutely. Women have a sexual freedom that was unheard of only forty years ago. Now there is true equality between the sexes in bed. Even in birth control.
It is my experience that the partner that instigates threesome sex is mostly the male. That old gene still rules a man deep down. The old urge to spread his seed far and wide makes the male more interested in multiple
SOME FACTS ABOUT THREESOMES The average couple looking for a third partner in their relationship has been together for more than seven years and the male has not necessarily been completely faithful to his female partner in the past. In a small proportion of couples looking for an additional partner, the female is the aggressor, (less than 2%) this is usually because the male is passive in their relationship and the female craves a more dominate male sex partner.
Couples who take in a third party usually break up within 3-years of their first experience. This of course is only slightly higher than the general public that shows that relationships for couples under 30-years old last no more than 4.5 years on average. Statistics that I've compiled imply that over 75% of threesomes are two females and one male. Think about it. If the man is usually the instigator; most men want to have sex with more than one woman, so why would they chose another guy who would get to use his woman.
A Swingers International article some time ago stated that the United States had at least 750,000 couples that "swing" at least once a month. That's a lot of couples. And out of those couples a good 60% were threesomes. Threesomes are an ever-increasing lifestyle because when it works out right it is intense, exciting and safer than swapping or group sex. Partner swapping is a fast way to divorce. When you change partners and have sex, that most intimate feeling between couples transfers to a new partner, even if for only a short time. Repeat that experience with the same person several times and the bond grows even stronger.
Threesomes on the other hand can build a stronger couple relationship. I say this because a couple can accept a third person into their bed and share the intensity of their relationship with him or her without losing the intimacy between themselves.
HOW I GOT STARTED My first threesome was at the age of 19 and I was in the military. I was stationed in Germany and was having the time of my life. Our base was outside a decent sized town and we generally never had to do any field exercises, so got to go into town just about every night.
I struck up a relationship with one of the girls that did the GI bar scene and soon began having regular sex. Her name was Angie and she was a very good-looking girl with dark hair and brown eyes and a wonderful smile. One of my buddies was much more aggressive with the women than I was and was always talking about getting blowjobs in the park at night, and always playing one girl against another to force them to go farther and farther out on a limb sexually.
He was my roommate at the time and one night I was in bed and asleep when I was woken by someone coming in through the window of our room. It turned out to be my roommate and his latest girlfriend. To make a long story short:
When he found that I was there, he invited me to join them. Apparently he had already discussed a threesome with the girl and she'd agreed in the forlorn hope that he would love her for it.
Looking back I realize how pathetic the situation was but being 19-years-old my hormones wouldn't allow any other response than to accept his most generous offer. That night was the first time I saw another guy screwing a girl up close, and it was also the first time any other guy saw me hard, and having sex with a woman. At the time I felt awkward and embarrassed, but looking back on the experience the next day I realized it had been more exciting than anything I'd ever done before, and I never forgot it.
After that nightlong fuckfest I was always trying to repeat it. I think that's why I have been in so many three-way relationships since then. I've been asked to give you some pointers, to share my experience, and that is where we're headed now. I don't think I can justify this type of sexual relationship other than to say that it is one of the most intense sexual experiences you'll ever have. You know what it's like to have sex with your lover; it is the most intimate act you can perform with another human being, right? Well times 10 that feeling when you're in the right threesome. The keyword, of course, being "right".
WHY WOULD YOU TAKE A THIRD PERSON INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP? Remember how your sex was when you first hooked up with your partner? It was intense and satisfying every time. It was a magical time. Many couples accept that over time their sexual union will slacken and eventually become routine.
What if you meet a single guy or girl that you both really like?
What if you asked them to share your loving relationship?
Would there be a new thrill to your sex?
Well, would there?
The trick is to know how to ask them to join in and when it's time to move on, how and when to kiss them good-bye. Because if your relationship is to survive unscathed a firm exit strategy has to be agreed on before your even start. There are many reasons why a couple will invite another into their relationship and I won't try to guess what yours is. As I've said my reason has always been the excitement, the feeling of freedom in my relationships with women and the extra intensity of the sex.
WHO WOULD BE A GOOD CANDIDATE TO TRY THREESOMES? In short, you would. If you're reading this article you already must have some interest in trying it out. But before continuing on we need to weed out those who are
just fantasizing from those who know they will. You need to be able to accept the following facts of life about three-ways if you're determined to try it.
Some of the time your mate is going to get used by the opposite sex. Don't expect your lover to only accept their own gender for your sake. You'll end up having to share them with someone who looks a lot like you. And that's a fact.
DISEASE There are all kinds. I've survived because I don't sleep around with just anyone. But it is a fear that pervades the whole experience. You should try to go with people you've known for a while, and unfortunately condoms are something that is just a why of life. But there are some really cool condoms (lambskins for example) that make the experience just fine if you're careful.
ONE OF THEM WILL BE WILL BE YOUR SEX I never could that too. You will now have two lovers, and sometimes Bisexuality. Sorry but you'll have to get used to understand the guys who think that their women should take to kissing and fondling each other, but when it was their turn to do something with another guy they ended up like vestal virgins, "Not me! No way!"
BODY FLUIDS AND SECRETIONS If you get three people on a bed having sex there is bound to be messy stuff that you'll have to taste and feel and rub against. If being human bothers you, you should look for one of those plastic doll thingy-mah-bobs. If you're not ready to give as much as your spouse then you'll end up in big trouble and shouldn't enter into a threesome, unless it is for short-term gratification, and that would make you a jerk.
TALK TO YOU PARTNER FIRST First you must discuss the three-way concept with your partner. He or she must agree to an experimental session. If you're dumb enough to spring it on them your relationship is headed for the rocks fast. I suggest bring the subject up first during foreplay. Once your partner is obviously aroused tell him or her that you have this reoccurring fantasy about sharing. It can be right out of the blue and can even increase
the sexual experience just by talking about it. You might want to pick someone for your "fantasy" you know your partner likes, a TV personality or movie star, or the hot neighbor next-door.
If your partner is generally uptight about sharing his or her body with a third person, my suggestion is to bring your "fantasy" up most times as part of your foreplay. Many partners must be talked into to joining in, this is because most of us have learned from an early age that our Judeo-Christian society frowns on people who have sex with more than one person at a time, and that it is perverted and wrong.
You'll find though, that your partner, over time, will become used to your "fantasy foreplay" and will begin to fantasize on their own about a co-worker or a neighbor, or movie star during your fantasy foreplay. The cool thing about this approach is that they will begin to share their fantasies with you so you will be able to gauge when to take the next step. All of the above is obvious manipulation of your partner. There is no other way to put it. But if sexual experimentation is important enough to you, you'll just have to stoop to it this once. Once your partner is on-board, the fun can begin and you can be as straightforward as you want.
A NOTE OF CAUTION Please keep in mind just because you want a threesome to happen doesn't mean that your partner ever will. Some people will never want to participate in something so sexually bizarre and no matter how much you urge them on, nothing will change their mind.
HOW TO GET STARTED Once you and your partner are on the same page its time to decide with who and how to go about inviting another person into your relationship. As far as a third party goes, I usually look for a middle-aged man or woman who has been in a long-term monogamous relationship and has recently become single.
Middle-aged people (35-55) are perfect for a threesome with a younger couple, they are usually still sexually healthy, and they haven't been playing around during the AIDS ridden-era and are usually lonely and very grateful when a younger couple takes them into their bed.
I'm not suggesting that is the only way to go. I have had many three-ways with people my own age and even younger than me, it's just the easiest way to get started with a more willing and pliable third partner.
When broaching the subject with a potential candidate the best results will be achieved when the man brings the subject up with the male candidate and likewise the woman talks to the female candidate. The reasons for
this are different but important. If a man approaches a woman, the woman will think he's coming-on to her behind his partner's back. Even if the man discusses a threesome with his partner sitting beside him, the female candidate will most likely be too embarrassed to speak freely. On the other hand if the female partner discusses the pleasures of a threesome to the female candidate, all the residual issues are instantly dissipated, no come-on from the guy, no misperceived cheating, no male/female embarrassment.
Same for the man-to-man discussion. If the woman approaches the male candidate he will always feel in the back of his mind that she was the initiator, and will always think she's holding some special feeling for him, that she chose him over her mate. Men are just built that way. The male candidate will always wonder about the male partner and may even try to break up the relationship and take the female away. You need to make it plain at the very instant that the topic comes to life that it was the man's idea, that he wants to share his woman.
BEFORE GETTING UNDRESSED As I mentioned before you do anything, you need a firm exit strategy. No matter how good that third person might be for both of you, no matter how exciting it is to share your lover with another and partake in the third person's sexuality, if you make them a full time partner, or a regular without thinking it through, you might find yourselves in relationship bottom-out.
My suggestion is to always treat each encounter as a one-time event. No one expects to have sex with your partner and you on an ongoing basis and if you tell them that you just had the urge to bring the person into your bed, it easy enough to say that it's just a one-time thing. I also suggest that unless you want a three-way relationship to become complicated, you should hold your encounters with the same third person to no more than three times. After all, you've invited the person into your union just for the sexual excitement. If you repeat it too many times with the same three people it could get just as routine as anything other sex.
There is an exception to this rule. If you're willing to share your partner with a special friend long-term, then you become what is known as a tri-sexual relationship. That of course entails a very special understanding between the participants that sex and responsibility is a three-way uninhibited arrangement. I know a few people who have successfully sustained a tri-sexual relationship for years, but ultimately this arrangement ends. The good part is that these people usually part as friends. What they usually seek out is a more normal couple relationship.
YOUR FIRST THREESOME The first time is the most awkward. Getting naked in front of your partner and a stranger creates stresses that you might not have expected. For the male this could even cause performance problems.
The best way to get started in a new threesome is to just get naked as fast as possible in a darkened room (not too dark) and climb into bed with each other. I suggest lying side by side with the single gender in the middle and take a few minutes to define your parameters. If you are experienced swingers with a new inexperienced partner you should make that person understand that he or she is subject to both of your attention.
I suggest that the single gender in the threesome be the one to take the other two through their paces. If the woman is the single gender she needs to tell both men that it is their job to please her. She needs to make the men comfortable with the fact that they are naked and that their bodies and body parts are going to touch and be rubbed against by each other during this sexual encounter. The same thing applies when there is one man and two women. It is his job to get his partners comfortable with acting out in front of him. They need to understand that he wants them to be comfortable with each other and not be hung-up about touching and feeling each other.
A NOTE OF CAUTION Women seem to be more at easy with kissing and touching than men are. Please don't try to push men as fast as you might be able to women. Everyone must go at their own pace, just don't be too insistent otherwise the experience will be ruined. Once there is a basic understanding and no one has gotten up in a huff and stalked off, I suggest getting to it. Start feeling each other.
TWO MEN ONE WOMAN COMBINATION In the case of two men and one woman I suggest that to begin with both men concentrate of the woman, while one kisses her upper portions the other can concentrate on her lower extremities. This builds a camaraderie between the men. When in a first time in this combination it is proper etiquette for the couple to let the new man have at the woman first. This should include penetration, although it doesn't need to be to completion. This sex act will go a long way to breaking the ice and dispelling the awkwardness of the first time together.
Many women don't want to have anal intercourse (Over 70%) so once the fucking starts one guy either has to sit by and watch or he can join in. My favorite position when not plugged in is to have the woman on hands and knees with the other guy taking her from behind doggy style while I crawl underneath and play with her clit and his thrusting cock. Both partners get a real charge out of this and I can see everything and know just were to touch, pinch and lick etc.
Oh, yes, the sooner you get over the hang-up about touching the same gender partner the better your threesome sex will be. I personally like sex with women and have n