1. Bad things happen because you're a bad person who deserves bad things.
2. You're unhappy because you're lazy or lack willpower.
Happiness is a choice, a choice that you have failed to make. Somehow, somewhere over the course of your lifetime, when faced with some metaphysical fork in the road, you chose the wrong path. You brought this curse down on yourself.
3. Your sadness is who you are and who'll be for the rest of your life.
This sadness is the norm, and any other emotions, especially positive ones, are exceptions to the rule. Yes, there will be good times, of course there will be flashes of joy; you will certainly, on occasion, experience the pleasure of a good book or a ripe juicy peach. However, those experiences will be few and far between. Your bad days will always outnumber the good.
4. No one, not your family or your friends, loves you.
Your family people who feel obligated to spend time with you because you share a similar genetic makeup. Your friends are people that you somehow tricked into thinking that you, as a person, have some kind of value, and now they don't know how to extricate themselves from your pathetic, needy grasp. No one spends time with you because they enjoy it; they do it out of a sense of duty, a feeling of pity. Whenever you leave a room everyone breathes a sigh of relief.
5. No one wants to hear about your problems.
No matter how sympathetic they may seem, no matter how sincerely they might ask how you are feeling, remember that it's all an act. The more that you open yourself up to them, the more you pour your heart out, the more resentful of you they become. Do not fall into the trap of sharing your feelings; do not give into the temptation to draw back the curtain and, like a tawdry magician, reveal your grotesque sadness. Your sadness is a choice, remember?
This burden is yours to bear alone.
6. Your friends and family deserve better than you.
Everyone deserves better than you.
7. To make up for your unhappiness, it's your responsibility to make sure that everyone else is happy.
If you can manage to maintain a near-constant veneer of kindness, helpfulness and sincere interest in others, then that will make your presence more tolerable. Your amiability, though entirely inadequate, is the best apology that you can make for your existence.
8. Everything's your fault.
If you plan a picnic and it rains, it's your fault. You should have been more thorough when you checked the weather. You should have learned to be an amateur meteorologist so that you could better read the clouds. You should have packed a canopy. If you go out for dinner, for your once-in-a-blue-moon, hire-a-babysitter-and-wear-a-nice-dress date and the food or service or conversation is anything less than exceptional, it's your fault. You should have read more restaurant reviews, should have asked friends for more recommendations, should have prepared cue cards with talking points. If someone is unkind to you, it's your fault. You should have smiled more, been more gracious, tried harder to be whatever it was that they needed in that moment.
Everything is your fault.
9. There is no cure, no treatment, and no way of managing your symptoms.
There are, of course, doctors and pills and various therapies that help other people, but you've tried all these things and they don't work for you. Nothing will ever work for you.
10. You'll feel this way forever.