"Well, we haven't had much experiences separately, but we have been in the same room and had group sex and sex together in the same room but with separate partners."
Lifestyles After Dark
Are you single, married, or in a long term relationship?
Long term relationship.
Would you consider what you and your partner do to be swapping, swinging, or group sex?
Depends on the day [Laughs]! Can I pick all of the above?
We do swap, swing, and have group sex. It depends on what our moods are for the day.
What determines the mood?
We usually don't plan to much. We have a group of people we swing with and when they are visiting and we decide we are in the mood for sex we it usually just happens.
How did you and this initially meet?
When I got together with my boyfriend he introduced me to his friends who happened to be swingers.
Prior to meeting him and his friends, you would have considered yourself to be monogamous?
I was in a bad marriage before I met him and, to be honest, I was not faithful. I am the one when I got with my boyfriend who told him first I was not good at monotony.
I mean "monogamy".
Honestly, both words work.
When you entered the relationship were you aware that he knew swingers or would be into swinging?
Yes, we were very honest and open about everything.
How did you feel when you told him and he said he was not only fine with that, but encouraged it?
I felt relieved that he felt the same way and didn't think I was weird.
We both knew we could separate sex from love.
You're ex couldn't?
He wasn't into swinging. He would have been very jealous. He definitely could not have separated the two.
How long were you aware that you could?
About 15 years.
I'm guessing this isn't the first open relationship you've been in then.
Actually it is. I've never found someone else of like mind when it comes to swinging. I wanted to and suggested it to my ex but he was not into it.
My current boyfriend is the first that agreed with me.
Were you active in other people's open relationships prior to meeting him?
Yes, I had some friends of my own that liked the occasional change from the vanilla lifestyle
You were the instigator then?
No. Actually the couples I have been with brought me in themselves.
How was that initiated?
It must have been an awkward conversation to drop on someone?
No, it was initiated by my friend kissing me then bringing me into her bedroom with her and her husband.
That'll do it.
You're bisexual or pansexual then?
And your boyfriend?
He's also bisexual.
Two for two. You did strike oil.
Have you two agreed to a formal structure or rules?
Yes, I did [Laughs].
Yes, we have rules or guidelines: We agreed to always use condoms. And there is a very small "do not fuck" list. But other than that we are free to do what we want.
Does the other partner need to "supervise"?
Nope, not at all. We just have agreed to tell each other about all our experiences.
Have one of you ever surprised the other by joining in?
Well, we haven't had much experiences separately, but we have been in the same room and had group sex and sex together in the same room but with separate partners.
What size groups do you prefer to interact with?
Anywhere from the two of us to about six people.
What kind of pairing do you prefer?
Any kind really. I like threesomes with two women and a man or vise versa.
Aside from protection, do you have any hard or soft limits when it comes to interaction?
Our biggest thing is if one of us says "No" to something the person we are with needs to stop or there's gonna be a problem.
I like that.
That's what we tell people. Its all good But if we say "No" then that better be the end of it.
You'd be surprised how much of your lifestyle parallels the classic BDSM lifestyle.
Really? I never thought it was alike
Pre-negotiated rules and limits. Open communication. Safe words.
Huh, I guess it is similar.
Have you ever had or seen someone ignore a "No"?
No. Fortunately, I've not had to experience that.
What have you learned about yourself in your new relationship?
I have more confidence now. And I've learned how much I can enjoy sex and separate that from love.
Would you from before recognize you now?
I don't think so. I wouldn't have seen my life where it is now back then
What advice would you give to individuals and couples looking to try out an open or group relationship?
My advice would be to be completely open and honest. Its the only way it works.