I have a love for anal stimulation, I've played with myself since puberty, from fingers to stealing my mother's vibrator, it's always been my secret affectation. For years, I thought there was something wrong with me: I knew I wasn't gay as I'm not attracted to guys, I love the female body, the curves and the faces too cute to resist. Over the years I found that many gay men may refuse to believe it and many straight women might refuse to even think about it, but we exist.
The few of us straight men who greatly enjoy bottoming and love being penetrated.
My sex life was normal for many years in my early 20s, I thought about it but never really acted upon it anymore. I dated and had sexual encounters with many girls as a young buck, I almost thought of myself as a male whore as at one point I was juggling four girlfriends at once. It became too much and I went back to my first love and high school sweetheart. And eventually we got married.
One day we were doing oral to each other. She slipped a fingertip into me: I let out a huge moan and just collapsed onto to her arching my ass high into the air. She was curious and inserted her finger all the way. All those feelings rushed through my body and FUCK! didn't I start fucking her finger. She stopped and asked me why I liked this, asked me if I might have gay tendencies and started questioning my heterosexual well-being. I reassured her I was not gay it was something I just found enjoyment in. I could tell she was repulsed by it. But from that day on it opened that door again and things just got worse as far as my desire for anal play.
Society taught us that anal penetrative sex performed on a male is exclusively associated with male homosexuality. So, I hid my play time, I purchased toys and used other objects to simulate my desires, keeping them to myself. Our marriage failed for numerous reasons, this was not one of the reasons but after the divorce, my affiliation with self induced anal sex grew as did the objects that I used on myself.
Let me take you a step back. Why is anal penetration enjoyable to begin with?
The anal and rectal regions have numerous nerve endings that can create pleasure during penetration. Stimulation can be produced by brushing against the prostate in males. Many men enjoy anal sex, many don’t like it at all. Many women find it stimulating, while others find it horrifying. It's funny how nerve endings don’t really have a gender identity or a sexual orientation. It's not absurd to speculate that while many straight men cannot even start picturing receptive anal intercourse, there must be those who contemplate it, crave it, practice it, and "end" up loving it.
I went on and dated more girls and kept my secret under wraps, but the more I dated the less time I had for my secret. I found that trying to overcome the desire to shout out “Hey honey, why don’t you put on this dildo and penetrate me tonight?” just wouldn't fly, Could you picture a man enthusiastically proposing some analingus action to his beloved girlfriend? Too many variables involved: societal norms, self-esteem, expectations around masculinity, let alone moral directives. So alone with my toys was the only way to take care of my needs.
Being single and the new day of the thing called the Internet opened doors, I found I could meet people on a thing called AOL. This brought up a point in my life to say, "It's time, time to know what it is like to have sex with a guy, I did once before but I never allowed myself to be penetrated as anal sex, in general, is linked to health issues, primarily sexually transmitted infections including HIV /AIDS, and anorectal trauma. This was always my biggest concern, I finally gave in and spoke to a guy online who assured himself of being clean. I was at work, we were slow, and I was in the chat room with him all day. So once everyone left the office I invited him over to fuck me.
He was a black man, skinny good looking and boy did he flood himself in perfume. At this point I wanted it, I took him into the conference room, not wasting any time we stripped our clothes and I sat him down on a chair and began sucking him off. He wasn't well endowed like most think of black men (Thank God!) as I never had a dick in my mouth let alone in my ass. I had fun sucking and fondling his balls as he was reaching over me kneading my ass cheeks. I was so turned on by this, sucking a dick, a black dick, I was pulsating precum all over and made a small puddle on the floor. He stood up told me to get up on the table and bend my ass over in front of him. He got out some lube and wrapped his dick up in a condom. His first touch to my eagerly and awaiting anus, swirling lube on it and teasing it, he slipped a finger in, my god, my dick hit my abdomen from the pressure of his finger as it slowly slides inside my rectum. He gently fingered me, round motions to get my opening larger and larger, I was moaning arching my back and butt into the air, my breathing was out of control, he asks if I was ready, I told him to look at the desk and see the puddle of precum I have been leaving. He grabbed my dick and stroked it, I immediately told him to stop as I could cum in a second. So turned his attention back to my ass and started letting the head of his cock rub around my taint and caress my hole, slowly inserting the head. He kept going in and out a little farther each time until the head of his cock passed the inner section of my rectum, I let out a bit of a yelp as this did hurt a bit, but in a good way, he stopped, just let me relax and get used to the girth of his shaft. I remember feeling my rectum pulsing, all of a sudden he grabbed my hips and slid in all the way, the feeling, it was intense, like blood rushing to your head. He rocked around pressing his abdomen firmly into my ass. Then slowly backed out and in, repeating and speeding up the motion. I never though a real cock would feel so amazing. He just kept doing this I was in total ecstasy, all of a sudden it rushed over me, a spine-chilling huge climax, I froze, I screamed, I was on all fours and coming huge spurts of cum all over the table. He never stopped fucking my ass I was bucking wildly and cumming, once I stopped cumming he pulled out and told me he only heard about someone able to cum from penetration alone. He smiled, I asked him if I could jerk him off to completion and we did just that, I let his cum go on to my chest, the warmth of it was amazing the salty smell, I was too shy to let him cum on my face, I wished I had.
We cleaned up and said our good-byes and that was the end. Later, I felt really gay, I'd just committed the biggest homosexual act, I didn't feel bad as it was one of the most satisfying things I ever had the pleasure to indulge myself in. I still knew I was okay as my attraction was not to him but to his cock inside of me. My lust for anal stimulation still goes on today, I found a partner who enjoys me for who I am, she knows my past, my times with guys, or my times I've pleasured myself, it was key, to be honest with her, and talk openly about it, most of all share the communication about what it means to both her and myself. She plays with me, pegs me and loves to watch my reactions, it does nothing more than intensify our relationship.
Point being, when humans intimately and profoundly need something, they will find a way to get it. If men feel like it’s shameful or even impossible to discuss receptive anal sex with their female partners, they might end up looking for it in some dark corners, or late night offices. We need to talk about sex, about all kinds of sex, about urges and curiosities. It is the very first step towards a healthy and fulfilling sexual life. Repression and silence often create monsters.
Besides, you might like it.