"Believing that they could be so in tuned with your body and your mind to lead and guide you into who you want to be... It's so liberating."
Life After Dark
Do you identify as Dom, sub, or SWItch?
I am a submissive.
Do you prefer bondage/discipline, Domination/submissive, or Sadism/Masochism? Or a combination of the three?
I need a combination of the three to feel fulfilled.
Was this a personal discovery or did you meet someone who brought you into the lifestyle?
It was a personal discovery. I kept it to myself for years, though, until my Master brought up his own desires.
When he revealed his interests and fantasies, were you concerned that you might not meet his expectations?
Some part of me was afraid that I wouldn't be strong enough to submit fully.
With a lifetime of low self-esteem behind me, I couldn't look ahead to seeing myself being enough for him at the time. Thankfully, he had done his research, and didn't overwhelm me and made sure to calm any fears I had about what he wanted from me.
However, it was mostly a really thrilling moment, as we discovered how perfect we really were for each other, after four years of marriage.
I hope I didn't sound too sappy!
But it really was amazing and very reaffirming.
What is your preferred aftercare?
Aftercare is a very special time for me. I need to be touched gently and spoken to softly.
My Master is sure to ask what I would like to have or to do during that time; it could be things like chocolate or watching a Disney movie.
Stepping back, I know many of the uninitiated would associate low self-esteem with submissiveness, but you see it as strength.
Can you tell me more about that?
Oh, to be a submissive takes a massive amount of personal (and sometimes physical!) strength.
To be so open and malleable, to follow orders even when you aren't particularly in the mood. It's hard sometimes. But putting your trust so completely in another person, believing that they could be so in tuned with your body and your mind to lead and guide you into who you want to be...
It's so liberating.
Freedom in bondage?
That's a great way to describe it. It's wonderful to let go, especially when you are burdened with a lot of responsibility in your vanilla life.
How often do you distinguish between your "vanilla life" and the lifestyle?
Would your... Let's call them "private times", surprise your friends and family?
As parents, and people who spend a lot of time in the company of family members, we live our lifestyle through subtle actions that wouldn't mean much to those not privy to our dynamic.
Even when we are engaging in vanilla activities, we have ways to keep connected in that manner. It's very important to us, so we take what we can get [Laughs].
As to my family members being surprised...
I have a difficult time answering that. I think if I simply told them I was "submissive", they would nod and applaud.
My family is very old fashioned, so it is expected that a wife submits to her husband.
I think the only thing that would upset them would be the fact that I take pictures for the world to see.
How public is your lifestyle outside of your family?
We just moved back to my hometown, where everyone knows everyone, so it's difficult to be too open. But if we're going out somewhere we don't expect family members, I wear my collar and we change to a mix of medium and high protocol, depending on the situation. Online is a different story, as we are pretty open.
What's the most shocking scene or scenario you've been involved in that you felt pushed your limits to a new place?
Well, we recently decided that we would attempt to get involved with another couple (very close friends who are also in the lifestyle).
This may not be shocking for some, but I had always been adamant about monogamy. But we realized this was due to my self-esteem issues and was another area I could trust to him.
We haven't done anything explicit yet, as the two Dominants are very patient and are working to get us comfortable with the situation. For instance, our recent "playdate" (for lack of a better word; I'm not a little, though the other submissive is) involved the submissive and me undressing each other, getting used to the other's touch, and kissing with our Doms watching. Pretty tame. But beforehand, my Master and I had done what we call "drills", which is just a serious of small commands repeatedly, to put me in the proper mindset; doing and not thinking. That made everything much more intense and made pushing those boundaries much easier.
If you could go back and give yourself advice on the lifestyle and the changes you've experienced would you or would you prefer to keep the organic changes over time?
I think the act of growing and learning together have made our relationship what it is, and I wouldn't change that for the world. I think we are stronger and more connected to each other for it. Trust is built just as well during the experiences that didn't go as well.
Looking back, how has the lifestyle changed you?
Would you from five years ago recognize the you now?
I wouldn't recognize me now from five years ago, but I would most certainly be proud. I have come from being an abused, embarrassed, self-deprecating individual to someone who is proud, confident, strong, and secure in her relationship with someone who takes care of me as much as I choose to take care of him.