"I'm complicated and a very active feminist. The two don't contradict but some aren't convinced."
Lifestyles After Dark
Do you identify as Dom, sub, or SWItch?
Do you prefer BD, Ds, or SM, or a combination of two or more, and what do you bring from each subsection?
Ds, DB. In that order. I am a pleaser... I need to submit, completely.
People think that the Dom has all the power but that's not true.
It is only fear, ego-attachment, and insecurity that keeps people from submitting to love. It's very erotically charging and I like obeying. If I'm bad or don't listen I need to be punished.
Was this something you learned or something you always knew?
I know where my kink comes from, it's pretty classic, actually.
Father.... was... is a high power executive. I was never good enough ever. I was punished for stepping out of line when I saw him. I learned early that obeying got me rewards and submitting gained me attention.
It wasn't sexual then. It is now.
How do you measure "good enough" now?
How much I please... how well I obey.
The bondage. I'm not sure, but that has been there a long time.
Sensory deprivation is big for me.
Describe your sensory deprivation. I've seen it practiced, but I've never had an opportunity to hear about it first hand.
Starting with the simple blindfolds. It's the surprise element.
The fear... It's intoxicating.
Not knowing what or when or even how.
Is it just blindfolds, or do you use hearing protection too?
Yes, I was going there, too.
So with losing sight the sensation of touch is so much more heightened.
With hearing and sight... I thrive on anticipation... The orgasms are intense!
I enjoy hoods, too.
How often do you combine bondage and sensory deprivation?
Whenever my Master lets me. He makes the rules.
He does enjoy blindfolding me.
My favorite is probably ice or wax and blindfold and not knowing which it will be.
What's the most personally surprising thing you've done?
The thing you never thought possible.
My limits are still being expanded; a couple years ago I'd say "Wax".
I never thought I'd enjoy the ball gag and humiliation as much as I do.
You're anonymous, so I'm presuming you keep the Lifestyle to a small circle:
Has anyone ever guess what you enjoy?
I don't discuss it much. A couple close friends. People don't understand.
I'm complicated and a very active feminist. The two don't contradict but some aren't convinced.
How did you and your Dom meet?
Was he your first?
Yes, but we didn't jump in.
So this isn't a so much of a kink, as much as a lifestyle you've adopted?
Yes, I would say so. I'm more of a 24/7 sub. He controls everything.
Except at work. So 16/7 [Laughs].
So you're a bit of a SWItch?
No. not in personal life. I just like what I do for work so I tolerate what I have to do.
Does that make sense? There are aspects I love: I like logic, I like risk, I like the unknown. They fit nicely I think with my sub personality so I tolerate that I have to control situations.
But, if you had to choose between being a "16/7" sub and a "24/7" sub?
I'd be sub 24/7!
He does continue to have control the entire day: I have rules.
What kind of rules?
When to eat. I let him know where I am or when I leave. What to wear.
Things like that.
How would your coworkers react if they were aware of your other side?
Probably like most people: Think I'm broken or a deviant.
Although the 50 shades stuff has made things more front and center.
It's not real though: It's crap!
My Dom respects me and he honors my hard limits and pushes my soft limits.
It is entirely based on trust and respect: It's not a random spanking or cuffs...
Not for me anyway.
How would you compare your level of communication between you and your Dom and... any vanilla couple you know?
We communicate to probably the most intimate and deep level: He knows every fear. Every love. Every button. The biggest rule is honesty. I share all and am honest about all.
I am rewarded. If you submit entirely. Mind and body. There has to be trust.
I'm naked. Restrained. Blindfolded. And he controls my pleasure and pain. We communicate with words as well as with body. He knows my breaths, everything I'm feeling, and often uses it against me.
What's the most out shocking thing you've done since you came into the lifestyle?
I have few limits. The hard ones won't be broken, ever. I have intense fears.
There're soft limits: Touching my neck is one. He pushed that.
I have very few limits though to be honest. I'm about as adventurous as they come with few exceptions.
Would the you prior to the lifestyle recognize you now?
Absolutely not! I was so vanilla... Well, compared to some, but not for me.
I always like to play with things like public sex, and girls, and the mile high club!
But if you would have told me I'd get off being on my knees cuffed and gagged:
And I enjoy verbal humiliation.
If you could tell people interested incorporating BDSM into their lives anything, what would you tell them?
Communicate. Set expectations and limits. Have a long and honest discussion of limits both hard and soft. Establish safe words. Be safe. Read and study before jumping in. It's not just beating and belittling.
You need to know how to be safe especially if the play is on the dangerous side. Never leave someone bound alone.
Don't flog kidneys.
Basic stuff. Start slow and ease into what you like. From a sub point of view - be careful who you choose to submit to. SSC: Safe, Sane, Consensual. Ask questions.
Um and cum hard, If your Master lets you: A good dom will always take your wishes and desires into consideration